Wisdom With Age

I think people's hands are captivating. It's like they tell a story all their own, and they don't even need words.

"I'm Not a Robot" (Clock Opera Remix) by Marina and the Diamonds

The Sun's Earthly Mirror

I watched a movie a long time ago called The Order (starring Heath Ledger), and in it they called sunflowers "God's beautiful mistake." Sunflowers are my favorite of all flowers, but I think that description of them is very poignant. Today, I came across this painting by Vincent van Gogh, and I think it's absolutely beautiful.

"Older" by Band of Horses

Lazy Blues

In general, I don't like smooth jazz. But there's something so fluid, so swank and lazy about it, that sometimes I can't help but glory in its essence. I'm persuaded that had I lived in the 1920s, I would have been a jazz singer. (Even better, considering smooth jazz didn't really start until the 1970s.)

Everyone Should Have an Aunt Donna

Today Aunt Donna and I sat on her porch swing for 3 hours, just talking. It had only been one week since our last "session," as I call them -- where we sit and talk about everything under the sun -- but it felt like much longer than that. 

The weather outside was beyond perfect. It made me feel so peaceful inside. We could have sat in silence that whole time, and I wouldn't have minded. I don't think I would have ever wanted to leave. The breeze was whispering, and the sky was crystal blue. When I closed my eyes, I could almost imagine I was in the French countryside, as Aunt Donna will be next week. I'm so jealous, but she promised to bring me back lots of photos and souvenirs. Plus, I'll be joining her there next summer once I graduate college.

It's amazing how many topics of conversation we can cover when we're together -- Aunt Donna and I. Nothing is commonplace, and everything is boundless. One minute we were talking about her chickens, and the next we were theorizing on why God made the sky blue and the grass green. She told me that she wants to buy a vineyard or a bed & breakfast in Europe, and that I could live there with her. We decided that, of course, it would have to have a porch swing.

Sound Theory

". . .and those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music."

~Nietzsche

So True

"Reading good books ruins you for enjoying the bad books."

The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society

On Being in Love

Things I fell in love with today:

1) The way the corners of people's eyes wrinkle when they smile.

2) When my cat, Henry, purrs so hard that he squeaks.

3) The way words can make my heart feel light, even if they don't make any sense. 

4) Watching odd couples interact (a very entertaining pastime).

5) Ballet flats.

6) These dresses.

7) Beginning a new book.

8) Pancakes with mixed berries for breakfast.

"Who would you rather be, the Beatles or the Rolling Stones?"

I can feel it in my bones, there's going to be a change coming in you soon. You've fought so hard against it for so long, but you've grown old and tired in your young age. Your stubborn will is wavering and may well be vanishing with the breeze that brushed against my cheek this evening. I felt it reach right through my bones with its touch as soft as silk. 

How is it that the universe is infinite, but you and I are dust and shadows -- pawns in time's cruel game? Yes, you're giving up, like the star whose light we see but whose source is no longer there. It takes so long for the star's light to reach us, that when we see it, the star itself is gone and another has taken its place.

You are that star. I can still see your light, but you're no longer there, and soon another will take your place. I can feel it in my bones.

"Gimme Sympathy" by Metric

weddings hurt my feet

My best friend (practically since birth) got married yesterday.

My dad and Amy's mom grew up together in a little town called Ovid in upstate New York. My mom and Amy's dad grew up together here in North Carolina. My dad and Amy's mom dated in high school, as did my mom and her dad. 

It's so strange how these four people who grew up in such different places would date each other, then later marry whom they did. It's weirder still that Amy and I would be born a year apart and grow up to be best friends. (Sorry, I realize this may be a little confusing, so I've made a diagram. Hopefully, it will make things a little clearer.)

All of this to say -- my best friend got married, and I was the Maid of Honor in her wedding. It seems like yesterday we were playing dress-up and fighting over whose American girl doll was better. I don't feel mature enough for all of this to be happening -- Amy starting a family and me in my last year of college. Where did the time go. . . and when will it slow down?

"Dream a Little Dream of Me" by the Mama's and the Papa's 

An Exchange of Souls

I had a lovely talk with Vielka (Amy--my friend who's getting married this weekend--'s sister-in-law). Somehow the topic of how we act around certain/different types of people came up, and she asked me what I thought was the line between politeness and hypocrisy. How odd that she would ask that, since I've been thinking about it a lot lately. What I told her was this (in a more conversational and less pretentious way, of course):

I think the "line" is perhaps not a line at all, but merely an amorphous selection of how much of ourselves we choose to reveal to someone. The selection depends on how much we're willing to sacrifice. You can choose to say whatever you want to someone, but you have to be willing to accept the consequences. You can say nice things to people --- tell them what they want to hear, or perhaps only a half-truth, even though your heart and soul may not be in total agreement with the words you just said --- and people will like you for it. By doing this, you keep the peace. However, they don't get to know the real you that way. Would their opinion or view of you change if you told them exactly what you felt--in pure, unadulterated, unedited honesty?

The element of sacrifice comes into play when you stop hiding the parts of yourself that you previously did not reveal. When you choose to say "no" instead of the expected or polite "yes," you run the risk of hurting the other person's feelings or defying their sense of comfortableness with you. The balance of harmony between the two of you tips. The outcome of that imbalance depends on not one, but the both of you, and is perhaps, impossible to predict.

To some level I agree with Jonathan Safran Foer's book, Everything is Illuminated, where he says that Brod realized she could never be honest and happy at the same time. It's a sobering thought, and it's really quite sad that we have to make the choice between the two at all.

"Pursuit of Happiness" by Kid Cudi feat. Ratatat

"Never Trust a Corpse"

I'm fairly sure I just watched the best movie ever. It's called I Sell the Dead. Dominic Monaghan from Lost and Lord of the Rings is in it. The movie's about a couple of body snatchers in the early 19th century who switch from commandeering normal corpses to ghouls. It's pretty funny, and I loved the twist at the end. Check it out!

Coffee and Cigarettes

I try very hard not to write an inordinate amount of posts about coffee, but sometimes I just can't contain my enthusiasm for the heavenly beverage. So, prepare yourself.

First of all, I must inform you that I don't smoke--not regularly, anyways. I don't like the taste cigarettes leave in my mouth, and I think the majority of people look trashy when they smoke--unless they're hipsters (which I'm not, really). Ah! Also, there's nothing worse than getting stuck beside that one person in class on a rainy day who smells like an ashtray--"wet smoker" is a way worse stench than "wet dog." But, I will smoke occasionally in a social setting if other people are doing it, or if I just want to sit outside and contemplate.

That being said, I was at the Open Eye Cafe in Chapel Hill not long ago and discovered the amazing combination of coffee and cigarettes. How ridiculous, right? Since there has been a relationship between the two, forged over centuries. At the time, though, I was unaware of this age-old bond.

It was late in the evening, and I was sitting with Hannah under a canopy of the venue's outdoor string lights, drinking coffee. I was rummaging through my purse, looking for something (probably a notebook and pen to write down some genius thought she'd had), when I realized I had some black clove cigarettes left (they're not made in the USA anymore, and the rebellious, yet unpractical side of me, thought it would be a good idea to buy 5 packs of them before they were discontinued). 

Anyway, we decided to smoke them, and I couldn't believe how amazing the combination of smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee was! It was almost like a revelation. I now understand how people can smoke first thing in the morning (as long as it is accompanied by a steamy cup of joe).

"Never Forget You" by the Noisettes

 

applause of thunder. . . .tantrum of me

I LOVE thunderstorms (a lot), and last night there was a great one. I fell asleep to the soothing sounds of clapping thunder and pelting rain. Thus, it was unexpected when I woke up at 3:00 this morning completely disoriented.

I was drenched in sweat and there were no lights in my room--no alarm clock, no computer, and my cell phone wasn't charging as it should have been. It was almost hard to believe that my eyes were open, because I couldn't see a thing in the darkness.

The thunderstorm that I had previously applauded, knocked out the power in my house. By default, it also knocked out the central air-conditioning. I was miserable for the next hour and a half, until I finally fell back to sleep. Thankfully, the power was back on later this morning.

(And what a boring end to this blog post that was!)

The Doldrums

Since finals are over and I have no reason to get up early or drive 30 minutes to campus every day, I feel strangely. . . dissatisfied. True, I now have the time to work out, along with the added bonus of  getting extra sleep every night, but I feel directionless. There's nothing I have to be doing, so I don't do anything. It's boring, and my mind feels dulled. I think I need a project or a road trip, or just something to break up the monotony. At least this song is awesome. . .

"40 Day Dream" by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros

One. More. Exam.

Tomorrow I have my last exam of the semester! Alas, my studying momentum ran out before the first one started, so there's no telling how it will go.

I've started filling out my application for the Peace Corps. I didn't realize it was going to be such an arduous process, but hopefully they'll like me, and I'll get to go somewhere I love. Since I don't know what I want to do with my future other than the vague goal of  "to write stuff," the Peace Corps or Americorps sound like good options. What better way is there to take up time than by doing philanthropic work?

"Tornado" by Jonsi

Flower Child

I went to ULTA this week with Missy because I wanted to buy a curling iron. Why, you ask? (Since I already have curly hair. . .) Well, Amy's wedding is in 2 weeks, and I have to fix my hair myself (1. this wedding has already pushed my budget to the limit so I can't get a professional to do it, and 2. I'm very particular about my hair, so a non-professional is out of the question). I'm not exactly the dressing-up type, so styled curls seemed like the easiest way to go. I like the loose curls, pulled to the side, fly-away type of look, and a flower in the hair seemed like a nice addition. While in ULTA, I saw a gorgeous one that looked like this, and I LOVED it, but it cost $12.00. That is ridiculous. Missy thought so too and made the offhand comment that I should just make my own because it'd be cheaper. I hadn't even considered that, but the idea sparked my interest, and I decided to give it a try.

I went to Michael's the next day, bought a package of alligator clips, a few silk flowers, and some superglue. In all, I spent $7.49 (in comparison to $12.00), and I got four different hair pieces out of it. Plus, you can't even tell they're homemade. Ah, sweet victory!

"Flowering Spade" by Sean Hayes

Birthday Quandary

My little brother, Garrett, is turning 5 on Sunday, and I have no idea what to get him. He's on a Star Wars kick right now, and everything he wants involves storm trooper legos or light sabers (both of which my stepmother has already gotten for him). So, now I have to come up with a cheap yet innovative birthday present for a kid who will probably break whatever it is I get him within 48 hours of receiving it--preferably Star Wars themed. Hmm. . .

This is the Breakdown

So far, a success:

Feeney's with Missy twice in two weeks.

Brand new purple Chuck Taylor's purchased for $20.

A very merry un-studying for exams.

Having over $100 in my checking account.

"Breakdown" by Mae

Kasey 'idon'tcareabout schoolsowhat' Van Nostrand

After next week, I'll be done with my junior year of college forevverrr. I have begun calling myself a senior, and I can't make myself care about this semester's final exams AT ALL. I took one for my history class today and hadn't even finished looking at the notes. In fact, I spent part of last night at work where a girl flipped shit and quit halfway through the night. Then I went home and watched an Indiana Jones movie.

peaceful

I've decided that the quiet hours of early morning are my favorite time of day. Now, if only they weren't so early in the morning. . .

"Maps" by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs (TGIK remix)